Coolspeak

Like Jane Goodall, I recently immersed myself in another society. I did it by taking a road trip with a couple people who are, technically, way cooler than I am. They have their own language and everything. In order to communicate, I was forced to adapt.

The trip was to San Francisco, a city known for its breathtaking scenery, its incredible bay, and someone named Bush Man, a guy who jumps out of bushes to scare tourists who then, I guess, pay him. He’s a local legend.

The idea to shirk my responsibilities for a couple days was inspired by JetBlue’s 10^th anniversary sale. For two days, every ticket was only ten dollars, which meant every ticket was sold out. But still, I’d always wanted to see San Francisco, and the dream seemed tantalizingly close. So a couple friends and I decided to just rent a car and drive the thing. (To all my employed friends: Ha ha.)

With our iPods, GPSes and laptops all packed, we were ready to rough it for a few days. The drive from Los Angeles to San Francisco is about is about six hours if you go up highway 5, the boring way. It’s about nine hours if you take the Pacific Coast Highway, which hugs the California coast. We chose to take the PCH for a few hours, until we got lost and had to switch over to the 5. (And yes, we got lost despite our GPSes. Even the most experienced navigator would be hard pressed to make the same claim.)

With all those hours on the road, staring at more cows than you would expect California to have, my friends and I were forced to make conversation. And it soon became clear that I was out of my element. They were saying things like “stoked,” and “dawg.” They kept trying to bump my fist with theirs. It was unnerving.

I slowly came to understand their primitive yet beautiful language. Take this example of a Coolspeak sentence: I’m totally fiending some coffee. This means, “I currently have a strong desire for coffee.”

Another example: Man, I’m so cracked right now. That would roughly translate to: “I am tired and unable to focus.” (This also meant that it was my turn to drive, although that’s more of a contextual thing.)

One of the more peculiar words is “chill,” which roughly translates to “smurf,” which, as we all know, can be anything you want it to be. I’m digging this chill would be “I am enjoying my environment.” But you can also say those were some good chills. That would mean that you had a pleasant time during your previous activity.

But combining some of these ideas can lead to tricky situations. Dude, I’m stoked for this chill but I’m completely cracked—I’m seriously fiending some mad sleep right now, you hear me? Those types of sentences were hard to decipher. (Although in case you were wondering, the answer was “yes.”)

Despite the language barrier, the trip was great. We didn’t see Bush Man, unfortunately, but we did see Alcatraz, the Golden Gate Bridge, and even a couple forests—I had to explain what those were to my Los Angles friends when I got back. And the drive along the PCH is genuinely beautiful. Car commercial beautiful, even. Do it, if you get the chance. Dig those chills, dawg.